You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
