Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
