so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
