White coat. Heels.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
