she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
