This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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