We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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