do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
