i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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