i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
