well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dick very happy bro
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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