If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
