what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
