I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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