i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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