All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
