Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh god it's open bar.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
