"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
