I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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