it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
