Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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