would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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