dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
