trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
