so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
