Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
