Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
