i may or may not be watching the land before time
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
