My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
