We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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