i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Is it penis luge time yet?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just puked most of my soul out..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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