I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
