Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
