Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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