i think my mom watched the whole time
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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