p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
