all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
