It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
