Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
