so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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