I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
