one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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