He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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