Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
