a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
