Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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