you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
