It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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