I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it hurts more in the daytime
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Randomize
