i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
