Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
