Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That accounts for only three of the penises
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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