last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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